Gender Bend
by jyvonne13
Summary: In the episode "The Boy Who Would Be Queen," Wanda turns Timmy into a girl and for revenge he wishes that Cosmo and Wanda were the opposite gender. What kind of hilarity follows throughout their day and what do they learn in the process?


**Funny thing about this story: sometime around October I watched "The Boy Who Would Be Queen" and thought how funny it would be to write that episode from Cosmo and Wanda's perspective, so that's what I did. Fast forward to about February, I remembered I wrote that story and wanted to post it here but could not for the life of me find it! I searched every Google Drive folder I have, every Word document, and every email and it seemed to have vanished. Around the time I decided to write the story, my old computer stopped working and I worried that the story was on it but my computer died at the beginning of my semester in September and I knew I wrote this later than that. After literally weeks of searching and re-searching I wondered, "Hmm, did I just...not write this story after all?" So I sat down and cranked this version out in a couple of days. The mystery of the original draft still remains. Is it out there floating around the internet somewhere? Or did it actually not exist?**

 **Now that you've made it through my little anecdote about my inability to keep track of my writing, enjoy the story and let me know what you think!**

Gender Bend

"Yeah right! Like I'd wish I was a girl!" Timmy said laughing.

Cosmo joined in and laughed with him. "Yeah, can you imagine?!"

Wanda glared at the two of them laughing their heads off. They acted like being a girl was the worst thing that could ever happen to them. Well she'd show them.

With a wave of her wand, Timmy transformed into a girl with a long ponytail and a dress. He and Cosmo immediately stopped laughing and Timmy looked into the mirror with a horrified expression then he let out a high pitched scream.

"What did you do?!" he said to Wanda angrily. "I didn't wish for this!"

"Well you said 'I wish' and 'girl,'" Wanda said smugly.

"I…!" Before he could argue further he realized something. "Hey, I think like a girl now!"

"Who cares what you think, you're a girl!" Cosmo said starting to laugh again.

This time Wanda joined in. "May I get the door for you ma'am?"

Timmy glared at his godparents laughing at his expense. There was no way he was going to let them get away with this. "I'm going to go find Trixie. But so you two have something to laugh about while I'm gone, I wish you were a woman," he said pointing to Cosmo.

Wanda laughed even harder at the horrified expression on Cosmo's face. Now this was going to be good.

Then Timmy pointed to her. "And I wish you were a man."

Wanda's expression quickly morphed into one of disbelief.

"But…" she said Cosmo said.

This time it was Timmy's turn to look smug. "You're my godparents, you have no choice."

Cosmo and Wanda reluctantly waved their wands. Cosmo was turned into a woman with shoulder length hair, a green and white dress and white sandals. Wanda was turned into a man wearing black sweatpants and a tank top and had a receding hairline.

"This is just too good," Timmy said with a laugh. "See ya later."

The door closed behind him and Cosmo and Wanda looked each other over in disbelief that this had happened.

"I don't believe this!" Wanda said.

"I know, I feel weird." Cosmo cupped his breasts in his hands and started squeezing them. He'd never imagined himself with breasts and he wasn't sure what to do with them. "Okay this is just too weird."

"I should have put you on your period," Wanda said rolling her eyes.

"Oh god no!" Cosmo exclaimed in horror. When Wanda was on her period she was moody and lay around the house all day complaining that she was in pain. For a moment he was relieved, sure he was a woman now but it could have been worse. "What should we do?"

"Desperately hope that Timmy gets back soon." Wanda didn't like this. Never in her life had she ever wondered what it would be like to be a man. It had been all of five minutes since Timmy made the wish and she had already had enough.

"Aw come on Wanda, haven't you ever wondered what it was like to be the opposite gender?" Cosmo said trying to be positive about it.

Wanda crossed her arms. "No."

"Well...neither have I. But I'm gonna go have some fun. I'm gonna go take a bubble bath."

"While you do that, I'll…" She tried to think of what was the most masculine thing she could do. Suddenly she got an idea. "I'm gonna go masturbate."

Cosmo laughed. "Have fun with that."

They went into their castle and Cosmo appeared in their bathroom where he began to run a bubble bath. He opened the cabinet where Wanda kept all of her bubble baths and lotions and shower gels. He couldn't decide which one to pick so he poured three different kinds into the running water as well as six bath bombs and bubble bars. He quickly realized that was a big mistake because the bathtub was starting to overflow.

"Oh shit!"

"What's wrong?" Wanda called from the other room.

"Um, don't worry about it," he said as he quickly tried to clean up the floor with towels. They had enough problems already, the last thing Wanda needed was to find out he had flooded their bathroom. "Just keep masturbating!"

A few minutes later he managed to soak up all the water.

"Oh shit!" Wanda exclaimed from the other room.

Cosmo started laughing again. "Did you enjoy it?" He called to her.

"I...I don't know!" she replied. "I'm slightly disturbed."

"You get used to it."

He sat down in the hot bubble bath. Toto's "Africa" was playing in the background. He was surrounded by the soothing floral scent of the bubbles. He had also put on a facial mask that smelled like cucumbers and made his face tingle. This was actually kinda nice. He could get used to this.

He looked at the row of products along the edge of the bathtub. There were various shower gels and facial scrubs. He picked up a jar that looked interesting.

"Mango body butter?"

He opened the jar and it smelled heavenly. Not really sure what he was supposed to do with it, he dipped his finger in and tasted it. It tasted as good as it smelled!

After the most amazing bath he'd ever taken in his life, he put on one of Wanda's dresses and found her in their living room watching Transformers.

"This is literally the coolest thing I've ever seen!" Wanda exclaimed from her place on the couch.

Cosmo raised his eyebrows. "Wanda, you hate Transformers."

"I don't know honey, maybe it's this newfound testosterone running through me or the fact the I just masturbated three times, but this is awesome! I can't believe I never liked watching this before."

All of a sudden four fairies appeared in their living room. It was their best friends Dana, Jeff, Sparkle, and Jason. Wanda had texted Sparkle before watching Transformers to complain about their current situation and knowing her, word got around fast.

"Oh. My. God," Sparkle said.

"This is amazing!" Jeff said wasting no time laughing so hard he almost choked.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh all you want," Wanda said rolling her eyes. She knew they'd get a kick out of their misfortune. "These are the kinds of things that happen when you have a godchild."

"Cosmo, I'm really resisting the urge to think you're hot right now because it's super weird," Jason said. "But hot damn!"

"The best thing about this is the boobs," Cosmo said squeezing them again. "They're just so squishy, I can't get over it."

Dana and Sparkle appeared on either side of him.

"You have to go shopping with us!" Dana said.

"You want me to go shopping?" Cosmo said wearily.

"Come on, it'll be fun!" Sparkle said. "We were going to invite Wanda, but it'll be even more awesome to go with you."

"Gee, thanks guys," Wanda said.

"Aw you know what I mean!" Sparkle said to her.

"We're gonna go to the mall and get manicures and pedicures," Dana said. "Have you ever gotten a pedicure Cosmo?"

"Dana, do I really look like the kind of guy who's ever gotten a pedicure?" Cosmo said.

The rest of them looked him up and down.

"No you do not," Jeff replied.

Cosmo realized what he had just said. "You know what I mean!"

"You're gonna love it!" Dana said excitedly.

"Alright, well, how bad can it be?" Cosmo said. "See ya sweetie," he said to Wanda before he and the girls disappeared.

Jason and Jeff sat on the couch on either side of Wanda.

"Finally they're gone," Jason said kicking off his shoes and propping his feet up on the coffee table.

Wanda resisted the urge to scold him for it. She was a man now and men did these things, right?

"Now it's bro time," he said.

"What happens during bro time?" Wanda asked.

Jeff waved his wand and an Xbox appeared in front of them with three controllers and a stack of video games. "Call of Duty!"

"And a hell of a lot of Captain Morgan," Jason said making a few packs of the beers appear in front of them. He picked one up and cracked it open. "The best part is, now that you're a man you can hold your alcohol a lot better."

Wanda grabbed one as well. Usually she hated Captain Morgan...but after a few sips she got used to it. "Can we order pizza?"

"I like the way you think," Jason said taking out his cell phone. "Yeah, can I get a large with everything on it?" he said into the receiver.

Jeff handed Wanda a controller. "Ever played Call of Duty?"

"I've watched Cosmo play," Wanda said staring at the controller like it was a foreign object. She had no idea what buttons she was supposed to press.

"You'll get the hang of it," Jeff said turning on the game.

"Hey, don't start without me!" Jason said picking up the other controller.

An hour later Wanda couldn't believe how much fun she was having! They had eaten the entire pizza and she was only slightly tipsy after four beers. Call of Duty was actually a lot of fun and after getting the hang of it, Jeff and Jason were impressed with how good she was at it. They played online against another team and they blew them away. After that they played Smash Bros., Halo, and Mortal Kombat and Wanda was currently beating Jason into the ground much to his frustration.

"Fuck!" Jason exclaimed as Wanda K.O'd him.

"In your face!" she shouted.

"Damn it, best three out of five!"

"Let someone else play for once," Jeff said snatching the controller away. He then let out a huge burp.

"Nice," Jason said. "I can beat that." He let out a bigger one.

"You guys are wimps!" Wanda said. She took a deep breath and let out one even bigger than theirs. They all burst out laughing and high fived each other. What was happening to her? The living room was a mess, they'd gone through way too many beer bottles, and now they were having a burping contest. Normally she scolded Timmy and Cosmo for things like this but here she was willingly participating. Not only that, but she was having fun!

All of a sudden Cosmo and the girls appeared in the room with their shopping bags.

"Wow," Dana said in surprise at the scene in front of them.

"What have you guys done to my wife?" Cosmo said.

"She's one of the guys now!" Jeff said.

Wanda observed the many shopping bags Cosmo had from Sephora, Victoria's Secret, Macy's and Forever 21 as well as his pink toenails and fingernails. Judging by the makeup on his face, it looked like they had also been to MAC and gotten their hair done.

"Looks like you had fun," she said.

"It was amazing!" Cosmo said. "I never knew getting manicures and pedicures could be so awesome! I sat in a massage chair and had my feet rubbed and it was heaven!"

"And you couldn't stop laughing when they gave you a foot massage," Dana said laughing at the memory.

"We're taking Cosmo shopping with us from now on," Sparkle said.

"Well Wanda's being on our Call of Duty team from now on," Jason said. "We've never won so fast without her."  
Wanda glanced at the clock. "Looks like we've got to go get Timmy soon."

"Aw, that means you have to change back," Jeff said.

"Yeah but if you guys ever want me to play Call of Duty with you again, just say the word," Wanda said.

The guys high fived her and then their friends left.

"I can't believe you played Call of Duty," Cosmo said with a smirk. Wanda never played video games.

"I can't believe you went to all those stores," Wanda said. Cosmo always complained when they were out and she went to a lot of stores. "We have to go meet up with Timmy."

"We've got time. Besides, I need to go get ready."

"Hurry up."

An hour later, Wanda was sitting on the couch impatiently watching TV eating a giant Philly cheesesteak while Cosmo was still upstairs getting dressed.

Cosmo appeared in front of her not nearly ready to go. He was wearing a bathrobe and had his hair in hair rollers.

"Cosmo, we were supposed to meet up with Timmy an hour ago!" Wanda said.

"I'm almost ready honey. I can't decide what to wear." He held up two dresses. "This, or this? Which goes better with my eyes?"

Wanda sighed. "Just pick something."

"I'll be out in a minute," he said flying into the bathroom to change.

Wanda took a bite out of her cheesesteak. She hoped she didn't take this long to get ready to go.

All of a sudden there was a shriek from the bathroom.

"Would it kill you to leave the toilet seat down!" Cosmo exclaimed.

"Would it kill you to look before you sit?" she called back.

20 minutes later Cosmo emerged wearing a green dress and white leggings. "How do I look?" he said striking a pose.

"Beautiful," Wanda said in a deadpan voice. "Come on, Timmy is probably wondering where we are."

They met up with Timmy and took him to Trixie's birthday party. The mansion was alive with music and people going inside.

"Alright guys, I wish I wasn't a girl anymore," Timmy said.

They waved their wands and Timmy was changed back to his normal self.

"What about us?" Cosmo said desperately.

"See ya later," Timmy said going to the party.

"Damn it," Cosmo said. The boobs were nice and his feet still felt good from the pedicure, but he was ready to be a guy again.

"Well this sucks," Wanda said.

"I don't think he'll last very long without a gift anyway," Cosmo said.

"But he learned sensitivity."

"I still think she'll want a gift."

"I give it 20 minutes."

"I give it 10."

Five minutes later Timmy landed on the ground in front of them after being ejected from the party.

"Told you she'd want a gift," Cosmo said to Wanda.

"It worked!" Timmy said excitedly. "Because I treated Trixie like a person, she remembered my name!"

"But she catapulted you out of the party," Wanda pointed out.

"But she did it with love," Timmy swooned.

"So Timmy…" Cosmo began.

"Oh alright," Timmy said. "I wish you two were back to the way you were born."

That evening, Cosmo was sitting on the couches their castle trying to take the pink nail polish off his toes. That stuff was on there! It seemed like he had been scrubbing for hours and he still wasn't done yet.

Wanda flew over and sat next to him.

"Damn it, why do they make this stuff so hard to get off?!" he said in frustration.

Wanda smirked. "It's not intended to be taken off five hours after you get it done."

"I guess being a girl wasn't so bad," Cosmo said. "I need to take bubble baths like that more often."

"Speaking of that," Wanda said. "What happened to my mango body butter?"

"Well, um...it tasted good."

Wanda looked at him incredulously. "You're not supposed to eat it!" she exclaimed. "It's body lotion!"

"Then why did the container say body butter?"

"It's because of the consistency!"

"That doesn't make any sense!"

Wanda sighed. "This is why you're a man. You guys just don't get things like this."

"At least we don't call our lotions butter. That's confusing as hell." He tossed aside the cotton ball he was using the take the nail polish off. "I'm finally done!"

"You know, it's a good thing Timmy wished us back to our normal selves," Wanda said. Cosmo looked at her questioningly. She gave him a sensual look and put her arms around his neck. "It's way too weird to do this as opposite genders." She then placed a deep, passionate kiss on his lips.

He eagerly returned the kiss and suddenly pulled her over to sit on his lap making her giggle against his lips. As their kiss became more passionate, his tongue began to wander through her mouth and his hands began to wander around her body, first sliding up her legs over the soft curves of her butt, then up her back where one hand slipped under her shirt to feel her soft skin. The soft moan that ripped through her sent shivers down his spine.

Oh yeah, he'd definitely much rather be a man.


End file.
